Sunday, August 22, 2004

Getting Ahead

I still laugh when I read this story I found a couple of years back by a guy named Eric Scheske. Enjoy!

"Getting Ahead"
by Eric J. Scheske

D1 felt scrunched in the middle. He was as big as the guys immediately above him, bigger than most of the guys around him, and lots bigger than everyone below him. He deserved to be higher, where things were better.

The guy next to him, D2, was thinking the same thing. "I'm as big as these other guys; I should be up there." D2 was standing on some smaller Ds.

D1 turned to D2 and asked if he wanted to switch places. D2, noticing that D1 was a bit higher than him, eagerly accepted.

D2 didn't realize that the extra Ds under him were making him appear nearly as tall as D1 but that, in fact, D1 was far bigger. D1 knew this, but didn't mention it to D2. After the switch, D1 was much higher than D2.

D1 was enjoying his substantial gain, and was now in a position to rub shoulders with some of the bigger guys.

He then saw D3, a little D, break off from his big father who was at the top. D3 had been slipping for a long time. He didn't do anything but sit and contemplate things that don't really matter.

"Hey D3, wanna switch places with me?" asked D1, an absurd request, given D3's far better position.

"Sure," said D3, resignedly.

"What are you doing?!" the Ds around D3 wanted to know. "His spot is horrible; don't change with him."

"It doesn't matter; I'll trade places," said D3, and he switched with D1, who was now near the top and beaming at his gains.

He was higher than he'd ever imagined he'd get. And now he noticed that the guys at the tope weren't much bigger than him.

He grabbed D4, an older D, and forcibly pulled him down, at the same time using him as leverage to get into D4's spot.

The other Ds at the top didn't like D1's antics and told him so. D1 didn't care. He challenged on of them, D5, to a fight, which D5 couldn't turn down without great embarrassment. They fought; D1 won.

And now he was at the top with a handful of other Ds. No Ds had their feet on his head. No Ds were jostling his side. Plenty of room.

The crummy little Ds on the bottom; the non-aggressive Ds that were gradually falling to the bottom; the slightly smaller Ds below him. He was on top.

Then the bag of Doritos was opened and D1 was the first one eaten.


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