Sunday, August 22, 2004

Getting Ahead

I still laugh when I read this story I found a couple of years back by a guy named Eric Scheske. Enjoy!

"Getting Ahead"
by Eric J. Scheske

D1 felt scrunched in the middle. He was as big as the guys immediately above him, bigger than most of the guys around him, and lots bigger than everyone below him. He deserved to be higher, where things were better.

The guy next to him, D2, was thinking the same thing. "I'm as big as these other guys; I should be up there." D2 was standing on some smaller Ds.

D1 turned to D2 and asked if he wanted to switch places. D2, noticing that D1 was a bit higher than him, eagerly accepted.

D2 didn't realize that the extra Ds under him were making him appear nearly as tall as D1 but that, in fact, D1 was far bigger. D1 knew this, but didn't mention it to D2. After the switch, D1 was much higher than D2.

D1 was enjoying his substantial gain, and was now in a position to rub shoulders with some of the bigger guys.

He then saw D3, a little D, break off from his big father who was at the top. D3 had been slipping for a long time. He didn't do anything but sit and contemplate things that don't really matter.

"Hey D3, wanna switch places with me?" asked D1, an absurd request, given D3's far better position.

"Sure," said D3, resignedly.

"What are you doing?!" the Ds around D3 wanted to know. "His spot is horrible; don't change with him."

"It doesn't matter; I'll trade places," said D3, and he switched with D1, who was now near the top and beaming at his gains.

He was higher than he'd ever imagined he'd get. And now he noticed that the guys at the tope weren't much bigger than him.

He grabbed D4, an older D, and forcibly pulled him down, at the same time using him as leverage to get into D4's spot.

The other Ds at the top didn't like D1's antics and told him so. D1 didn't care. He challenged on of them, D5, to a fight, which D5 couldn't turn down without great embarrassment. They fought; D1 won.

And now he was at the top with a handful of other Ds. No Ds had their feet on his head. No Ds were jostling his side. Plenty of room.

The crummy little Ds on the bottom; the non-aggressive Ds that were gradually falling to the bottom; the slightly smaller Ds below him. He was on top.

Then the bag of Doritos was opened and D1 was the first one eaten.

Sunday, August 08, 2004

New most awful smell day!

Hi folks, in between what I hope to be deep discussion on the existence of God, here's a very funny short story by one of my favorite bloggers, Elliot Bougis. The topic: bug zappers in Taiwain. Prepare yourself for a load of laughter:
Now I realize the following confession may drive scads and scores of readers away, but I'm nothing if not honest (except with myself, of course).

Here in Taiwan they don't mess around with mosquitoes. They play electric tennis with them. As you probably know, we in the USA have two main ways of dispensing with mosquitoes, the creature my old friend always said were the one animal God let the Devil create. Often we just try to smack them to death with our bare hands. So savage, so artless. Alternatively, we let inert hanging bug zappers slaughter any bug stupid enough to stumble in with a small shower of crackling blue light. But the Taiwanese are much more hands on in their bug prevention. Most Taiwanese homes are equipped -- armed? -- with a plastic tennis racket with electrified wires as the net. Don't worry, there is a trigger. (And yes, I've tested it; the shock hurts like a devil.) If a mosquito begins to pester you just swipe him into the electric net and a short, sharp, popping sound with a tiny flash occurs. Mosquito magic.

[continued over at FCA...]

Friday, August 06, 2004

Does God Exist?

I was so excited the other day when visiting my friend Fred’s website, to discover a recently revised philosophical essay titled “Does God Exist?” This being the stuff I live upon, I quickly begin clicking and scrolling through the pages, feasting upon every sentence. Can it get more thrilling than reading an essay by a friend on one of the big questions of life? By the way, this isn’t sarcasm. I really do love this stuff!

Anyways, when all was said and done, I greatly enjoyed the paper, but at the same time had a number of qualms with it. So naturally, I feel it's my duty to try my best to present my thoughts on some of Fred’s specific points, as well as a concluding general critique of the overall paper. Now for the sake of anybody who dares take the time to actually read these, I'll be splitting them up over the course of the next few posts (pick and choose what you want to read). Lastly, Fred even said that he would respond to my posts, so this could prove to be fun and interesting dialogue...I hope.